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Wednesday, January 5, 2011
34. He Taught Me How To Face My Fear @ Wednesday, January 05, 2011

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This is kind of emotional entry. Read it if you want and vice versa.
p/s: you better switch off the background song and change it to something appropriate.

Last night was epic. For the first time in my 20th life I didn't sleep along the night aheehee. Man, it was not fun at all especially when you need to fight against all those sleepiness aura on the day while finding concrete excuses in front of your mum. Well, I was spending my night wandering on the virtual world, reading those article about this and that, watching some videos and doing some online bargaining. Surprisingly I didn't felt sleepy at all.. at least at that moment pfft. The laptop was only switch off when the clock hit the number 5 in the morning, as I know mum will wake us up around 30 minutes from the time for Subuh prayer. Yes, mum still wake us up like a kindergarten pupils, though we can wake up ourselves. I believe. Hehe. 

I know that she'll be nagging all day once she know me being a little vampire this morning. So I was lingering on bed pretending to be sleep and waiting her knock on door, while thinking about my unfinished assignment. Pfft. Soon after, there was some noise made by someone. That was my dad, he will go to Surau nearby house to perform prayer there. Hearing the flows of his wuduk water and Subuh's Azan, made me hit the thought that he is old now. Yes, he's turning 54 years old this coming April. 54 and I'm just 20. Just 20.

I might say that I'm just going off well with both dad and mum, no biases etc. Concern to this matter, mum is close to me as she's a mum, you know what I mean. Maternal feeling and things like that, she know her daughter pretty well though she might disregards this-- I don't like my current degree course :P Dad on the other hand was kind of discipline when we were young. Mathematics and English are under his belt and bet he wanted us to remember the formula's and tenses etc since we were 5 years old. 

Nevertheless, he taught me something precious, how a free will is nothing to be fear in life. Yes, I am a free will girl. Once he was a school teacher and then entered a military society. He quited as he thinks that was not the purpose of his life. He went to different kind of jobs, believe me, just to ensure 4 of us have a proper school items and stuff like food. It was hard for him to do that, and hard for me to understand. But here he is now. I know he's happy with this. Enjoying life doing something for nature. I'm proud of him as he feel blissful with his life. Nah, deep inside my heart wishing the same thing happened on me. I might took the wrong; unwanted path, but I know I'll back to where I belong. One to be sure of is that he will support me in whatever thing I'll be. And I want to make him proud with me. The day he sent me off to university, the day where for the first time in my 13 years old and above's life, he tapping my head and said nothing. That was the day I worked for a living. I'm not here to graduate, done with a degree and get a good job, I'm here to earn a gift to work for my life. My life.

Once he told me. No matter how old his daughter is, she will always be a little girl to him who always makes him worried. And he never knows that I like what he said so much. Titip rindu buat ayah. - youknowwhoyouare

p/s: This is my last entry at hometown. That's why I'm way too emotional DDDD: I should be mature isn't it? Shall post later, maybe in the evening after I reach college. I might post something sad yes, again. Sobs. 

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