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Tuesday, August 21, 2012
129. Aidil Fitri @ Tuesday, August 21, 2012

2 note (s)

This is not a very happy entry.

I always see Hari Raya as one of those days where I found myself trying to act cheerful in front of once-a-year-big-family-members and ended up exhausting myself pitifully. Some might even says, hari raya is the day where bad pessimism nurtures into self making them to feel less confident with their own skins. Why is this happening on the day of happiness itself? As far as I could remember, for more than a decade of growing up with Syawal's experience, Raya is always about comparing your own things with people besides you, you and you. The situations come out within the mere conversations where people tend to overreact everything into it. The tendency of a flock of mothers comparing their child's progression in school is somehow annoys the crap inside me the most lol(;¬_¬)

Sometimes in certain cases, we were judged by others for our absences during family gathering as if we were the most ungrateful children ever. Not a full time introvert myself, but I sometimes need my own personal space as well but it left unnoticed. Whether people realize it or not, the tradition of apologizing and forgiving are sadly just a tradition. People apologizing, only to repeat the same old mistakes the next day, what a permissive day, thus leaving "maaf zahir dan batin" as a cliche wishes and no longer carries any meaning.  How I wish Raya comes like a one busy day and off as if a gun leaving no tracing of bullet for the next day. So that for the sake of my life, I wouldn't have to meet all those people questioning the same old stupid question "Bila lagi..?" repeatedly for a month. I'm sorry. The selfish me sounds so bad at this.

Would I say that I'm a better person after this experience? I truly doubt it. At the end of the day, one couldn't refrains herself to compare and judge another even within siblings. Well at least, I made myself clear that no one likes to be compare and be judge, so I hope I won't, InsyaAllah. 

( Shouldn't this be a happy entry. Kiasu gila ni. )

Any kind of ways, Selamat Hari Raya maaf zahir dan batin from the deep of my heart to everyone here ( if you ever read this. ) For all the hurtful things that I might have said or done, knowingly or unknowingly, forgive the kiddies inside me, for am I just another flaw human being myself. Maafkan saya. Be happy during raya ok! And remember those unfortunate people too :) 

I'm blessed still, Alhamdulillah (*ノ▽ノ) xx

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