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Saturday, January 5, 2013
146. A Wake Up Call @ Saturday, January 05, 2013

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I'm not sure how should I start this.

To confront something unexpectedly happened rips my heart deep inside. There is a little doubt each time I say everything is going to be okay. Positive measurement is taken but nothing bears when it comes to ibu.

She's not doing very well for the past weeks ago. The fever and night sweat that she thought as a mere illness turns out worrying us day by day. She claimed that she feels a grip of pain nearby her chest. Medical officer initially suspecting her having a tuberculosis lung infection when ups till now, the confirmation is still full with uncertainty. I was in college when her text message reach my phone thus leaving me with question marks as she never asked me to get back home in a matter of time. And home welcoming me with such a grieve feeling. She looks paler and thinner than she used to be few days back. I was agitated this morning when she wake me up telling me about her mysterious night dream, how she claimed it to be almost real and ended up crying besides my bed. I patted her hand softly, telling her "It's just a dream and you'll be okay, InsyaAllah." but I couldn't lie to myself that I'm actually afraid of every single possibilities in the future. Please Allah, be with her. Fill her heart with security and just make her happy.

My homecoming does please somebody else in the home. Ayah probably thought with me staying beside ibu will makes her to feel less empty. Somehow the way he tries his best to make our home feeling as normal as possible touches my heart. The way he asks, the way he smiles, the way he hums.. Ayah, by any chance is there anything else bothering your mind? Ibu'll be taking her final medical result on 10/1 so I was thinking if I could head to home a little early on that day although I'm still in the middle of my thesis construction. 

I know she'll be fine. She needs to be fine. 

For ayah, for the whole family and for me.

p/s: Barely hope that everyone will pray for my mother's healthiness so that she'll come back as happy as what she used to be, thank you :')


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